


Not At the Table, Please

by ravenous_vulpix



Series: Bonds Between Outlaws [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Shrek References, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:03:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22637230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenous_vulpix/pseuds/ravenous_vulpix
Summary: Waking up after a thoroughly satisfying cuddle pile, the Outlaws eat breakfast, struggle to keep up with Roy's antics, and are reminded of the dangers of an annoyed Koriand'r.
Relationships: Koriand'r & Jason Todd, Roy Harper & Jason Todd, Roy Harper & Koriand'r, Roy Harper & Koriand'r & Jason Todd
Series: Bonds Between Outlaws [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1628425
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	Not At the Table, Please

**Author's Note:**

> Aiming for platonic, but can be read as pre-relationship Roy/Jay/Kori if you squint.
> 
> T rating is for language and for references to sexual activity that does not actually occur.

Jason's prediction proved correct. He woke slowly, warm and dopey. Something bony was digging into his ribs, so he shifted to relieve the pressure. The way the mattress moved beneath him revealed that he wasn't alone in the bed. He let his eyes fly open before relaxing again at what he saw. Roy and Kori were asleep on either side of him, close enough to feel protective and far away enough to give him breathing room. He rolled up into a sitting position before yawning and hopping off the end of the bed. 

“Jay?” Roy blinked slowly as he raised his head. “Everythin’ okay?” 

Wow, the amount of tight fondness he was feeling right now should be illegal. “Yeah, Roytoy. Just making breakfast.” 

“Mmph.” The redhead dropped back down to his pillow, scooting closer to the centre of the bed. His boots were still on, but everyone had settled above the covers anyway, so it wasn’t really a big deal. 

Jason stood in the doorway for a moment, grinning like a loon. He eventually got himself to the kitchen and started prepping omelettes. Roy, he knew his preferences like the back of his hand, but Kori liked to be surprised. He rummaged through a few of his veggies and spices before settling on a combination, pleased with himself. 

The movement of cooking was soothing, letting him narrow his focus to his senses. He could honestly never get over how weird it felt to have a fridge full of food. He’d notice his stomach growling and brace himself to hold out for a few more hours before realizing that he didn’t _need_ to, that he had enough for more than one meal a day. Beyond that, he could just skip out and snag food, like, anytime he wanted. 

The smell of breakfast suffused the apartment and gradually lured his teammates to the kitchen. Roy slouched in a chair at the table, eyes half closed and hair spilling out of his ponytail. Kori padded up behind the chef and bent over to a comic degree to nestle her chin on his shoulder. “Mmm.” 

“Grab the plates and utensils, would ya?” Jason appreciated the affection, but he was really fucken hungry right now. 

Kori retreated and began to dig through his cupboards. At the sound, Roy’s eyes cleared further and he stood up, anticipating Jason’s next request. 

“And Roy-” 

“Cups and water, I’m on it.” The redhead let out a loud yawn, arms reaching far above his head. The move let him smell his own body odour, though, and his face scrunched in disgust as he lowered his limbs back down hurriedly. 

Jason burst into laughter, watching the familiar move. “I’m not the only one who’s predictable, looks like.” 

“All right, all right, I’ll shower after we eat. Screw off.” The archer shuffled to complete his initial task, flapping a hand at his friend. 

Kori set the plates down on the countertop and then moved to drop the forks and knives on to the table with a clatter, perching herself excitedly on her own seat. “Well?” 

“Y’all are so demanding, it’s unbelievable,” Jason scoffed as he unloaded the eggs from the three pans. “I slave all day over a hot stove-”

“-endure blistering winds and scorching deserts-” Roy, the ass, chimed in with a smirk.

Kori propped her chin up on a hand, expression deceptively innocent as she played along. “But did you climb to the highest bloody room in the tallest bloody tower?” 

Jason, by now carrying his creations over, gave her a charming wink. “You know I did, babe.” 

The three of them continued with their bastardized movie references as they dug in, joking with their mouths full and lounging in the uncomfortable chairs. While they were clearing up the meal, Roy got one quote horribly wrong on purpose, at which point Jason started kicking him in the shins and Kori watched over the punishment smugly. 

“Okay, fine, no-one appreciates my comic genius, I see how it is.” Roy lifted his hands in defeat and rose to his feet. “Guess I’ll just have to go lick my wounds somewhere else.” 

Kori pinched her nose delicately, lip curled in exaggerated disgust. “So long as you wash yourself, and soon, feel free to go lick whatever you like.” 

Jason caught the shit-eating grin that flashed across Roy’s face and jumped up to follow him. “Oh no, you don’t! I swear to god if I find you blowing my toothbrush-”

Roy’s giggle floated in his wake as he scampered to the bathroom, shutting the door and locking it just as Jason hit the wood with his not inconsiderable weight. The sound of his pounding angrily on the door competed with Roy’s exaggerated moans around the contested toothbrush. 

“Roy, no! Now it’s gonna taste like fucking chives! Bad dog!” 

Kori, irritated by the noise, sauntered closer with a plan in mind. 

“Oh, Roy?” The alien leaned casually against the door frame, her voice far too syrupy sweet to trust. Her teammates fell silent, Jason stepping back and watching her warily. He only squinted further when he saw her gesture to play along. 

“Yesh, Kori?” By the sound of it, the toothbrush was still in the archer’s mouth, but it wouldn’t stay that way for long.

She hummed as though mildly concerned. “You wouldn’t be fellating the brush with the green rings, would you? The one to the left of the tap?” 

Roy’s silence spoke volumes before he even opened his mouth, now unmuffled. “Mayyyybeee, what’s it to you?” 

“Oh, nothing, nothing…” Kori looked at her nails casually even though the man couldn’t see her, committing herself to the part. “You must have forgotten how much Jason annoyed me when he braided my hair too tightly, last night, or how I disappeared for some time after that. Perhaps you were asleep by then, but… well, I’m sure it will be fine.”

Jason, seeing where she was going with this, choked back a snort before adding, in a sufficiently dramatic tone, “No, Kori, you wouldn’t! That’s disgusting!” 

Horror was beginning to creep into Roy’s voice. “She wouldn’t… what?” By the sound of it, he was pressed against the other side of the door, enraptured by the performance. 

Kori let a dangerous smile cut across her face, preening under Jason’s admiring gaze. “No matter. Humans have such resilient immune systems, there’s really no need for me to worry. Do continue.” 

The sound of a small object hitting the ground was quickly overcome by gagging noises as Roy obviously curled over. Jason, by now enjoying himself, called out, “You better not be chucking up my omelette, Roy! I slaved over a hot stove for that!” 

“What about -mmph- blistering win- aughhh-” Roy cut himself off with another miserable retching noise, and then a disgusting gulp. “Got it, Jaybird. Toothbrush stays out of my mouth and eggs stay in my stomach. No problem.” 

“Good boy.” Kori finally straightened up, eyes burning with triumph. “Return to us when you are fit for company.” 

“Yes ma’am.” The shower hissed before starting, the water hitting against tile, tub and the plastic curtain. Nice.

Jason trotted after her as she settled back into the kitchen. “Damn, Kori, you’re ruthless.” 

“Why thank you, Jason.” Another idea made Kori’s eyes light up with mischief. “For your praise, I will grant you some advice. It would go better for you if you disposed of that toothbrush entirely and chose a new one… unless you are completely certain that you did not irritate me with your hair-pulling efforts.” 

The Red Hood paled, glancing back at the bathroom. He really couldn’t be sure.

**Author's Note:**

> Lemme know if my writing made you Feel A Thing and I'd love to hear about it. :)


End file.
